“This is not me.”
This sentence is jumping up and down in my head like a three-year-old on a trampoline!
You know, this moment of silence when you look yourself in the elevator’s mirror, (only for a two-floor distance), and you think:
“Oh my God! This is not me!”
What is the mismatch with my picture?
Is it the navy-blue dress? The suit jacket and the briefcase?
Is it my sophisticated outfit that goes pair to my “serious profession”?
The formal manners and talking like if an alien has stolen my humorous side, to do experiments on?
This person, definitely, is not me.
Negotiating about “severe” staff, making arrangements and discussing contracts, dressed in blue, black or grey.
Formal manners and respectfulness to imply that I am the dutiful “employee of the year”!
This is the style you expect to have if you are working in an office.
And then is this mirror in the elevator that you see your image and surprisingly think:
This is not me. No way!
What have I done with my life?
I am more fun than this.
Or am I not?
You can easily predict my days, my reactions, my words and if you read my body language
you will get that I am strict and severe for all my working time.
An ATM is far more fun than me!
I don ‘t say the jokes or a nice comment that comes to my mouth, to a person I just met.
I usually keep it for myself, because ” he ‘ll think I am crazy talking like if I knew him from yesterday”.
This ” not-myself” thing- is me indeed, daily, for about 8-10 hours.
For years I thought that I had the curse that “if you do a technocratic job you cannot be an artist”.
Your painting cannot be “good enough” because you cannot trust (yes that is the word) TRUST your imagination!
I had the distorted belief that my imagination was some sort of infected by a virus that you get if you work to a no creative profession from 9 to 5.
But I was wrong.
Over the years- and it was about 15 – that I was spinning around those ideas, I was not painting!
Mostly I was complaining!
And I have used many flower covered notebooks for writing all these complaints!
Practically I was feeling pity for myself and my life choices, but I was doing nothing about it.
When the epiphany showed up, and I heard the angels whispering in my ears, guess what I found out:
You cannot limit your Imagination.
Cannot downgrade it either.
Imagination is always there.
You feed it all the time, with the things that make up your everyday life.
Because your imagination consists of this: Seeing the unseeing.
Finding inspiration in unexpected places like a bank, a metro station or the grocery store.
And when this thinking changed, something magical happened:
Every time inspiration was knocking my door, I was there and I was opening.
I needed no excuse to make my art.
So simple to say it but took me years to do the spelling.
I don’t need my art to mean something or change the world. It doesn’t matter if my painting is an original theme or not!
That is a massive load for something so elegant and ethereal like my need for painting.
I can paint flowers because the flowers are awesome and yes almost every painter was inspired to draw some flowers somehow.
No more filtering the need that comes from within, and demands to make that draw or write this sentence, no matter what!
My art is free of obligations, rules and definitions of what is a success and what isn’t. What is worth being painted and what ‘s not.
I choose only the joy part!
Your heart may desire something else.
My thing is painting. Everywhere, all the time, any time – if it was possible.
You know best, the one thing you want so desperately, that wakes you up at night.
The majority may confuses your passion with your profession… but I want you to feel free of the social standards.
Yes, I have a job that pays the bills and I have a love that keeps me awake at nights painting.
That love, defies the gravity of my tiredness of day job and family obligations.
A passion that charges the batteries of my existence!
I still cannot answer if this woman on the mirror is me or not.
But I have to admit that the one side does not intimidate the other.
Not any more.
What is YOUR passion,
that you have excluded from your life because you are too busy, too old, too young, too tall, too late …?
The most crucial decision is to have it present in your life.
You don ‘t need to be perfect, or thrive at it.
Just bring it in your life!
Doing what you genuinely love, will bring harmony and joy you can’t imagine!
The scale is not important. Do small.
All the artwork of this post is simple doodling on small white papers of the most common white paper-cube you find in an office.
You see? It does not have to be fancy.
It just has to find a place to exist.
Give that space to your passion.
Stop postponing. Make the decision today. Make it Now.
Play piano. Sing. Draw. Run on a marathon. Make jewels. Travel to the Pascha island. Make a blog. You name it.
Don ‘t even think of telling me your excuse!
I am sure I have already covered it in my diaries…
You have no excuse.
Uncover your passion.
If you begin, no matter how small, you ‘ll feel the difference and the secret will be revealed to you:
When you begin, is like when achieving it!
And this my friend, is life changing!
Take my word for that.